


The love to rise

by AuroraDefae



Category: Marvel
Genre: Afghanistan, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Poetry, Pre-Jericho, Slight allusions to the s word, The Battle of New York, The Incident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 16:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18921166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraDefae/pseuds/AuroraDefae
Summary: I can't.I need the hand to guide me that I've never hadI need the love to rise that I've never hadI need, I need,I need.I don't know the words to say-I need.I need that something of which I've never had.//Based off of this old poem of mine (I'm doing a bit better)





	The love to rise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [avengersasssemble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengersasssemble/gifts).



> eh
> 
> Continuing through old poems of mine that seem relevant

I'm running on some kind of empty;

I don't know what's wrong

While I simultaneously do.

I keep waking up at one accidentally

(Accidentally?)

And cannot find oblivion once more.

 

I don't know how to love myself,

Truly love my disaster, my havoc-

 

I'll make sure I'm not about to die-

The world needs me too much-

But otherwise, I will live

 

What an empty word, _live_ -

 

I'll push past what's expected of me,

Exceed those expectations,

Build, party, smile,

The whole charade.

 

-

 

I've pushed upon myself 

A high pain threshold

Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;

And oh, I cannot anymore.

 

I've pushed upon myself

A substantial amount of perseverance

Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;

And oh, I cannot anymore.

 

I'm in a desert,

Of multiple kinds,

Sand in all directions.

 

A desert of loneliness and enemies,

Save one soul;

A desert of mocking mirages,

Of my shattered life;

A desert of pain

Of pain, of heat, of torture,

Of pain. 

 

I've pushed upon myself 

A high pain threshold

Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;

And oh, I cannot anymore.

 

I've pushed upon myself

A substantial amount of perseverance

Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;

And oh, I cannot anymore.

 

But I must, for who I am.

Was? Will be? Will always be?

 

I'm in a desert,

Of multiple kinds,

Sand in all directions.

 

A desert of loneliness,

One soul unsaved;

A desert of mocking mirages

Of my shattered life;

A desert of pain

Of pain, of heat,

Of pain. 

I've pushed upon myself 

A high pain threshold

Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;

And oh, I cannot anymore.

 

I've pushed upon myself

A substantial amount of perseverance

Or, conversely, it's pushed itself upon me;

And oh, I cannot anymore.

 

But I must.

But I must trudge on

Through the loneliness,

Through the mocking mirages 

Hanging there even when

I close my eyes

To red-lit emptiness.

 

But I must trudge on.

 

-

 

The loneliness stays,

The mirages I saw

And've seen since,

Haunt my dreams.

 

I can't.

I need the hand to guide me that I've never had

I need the love to rise that I've never had

I need, I need,

I need.

I don't know the words to say-

I need.

I need that something of which I've never had.

 

-

 

I'm running on some kind of empty;

I don't know what's wrong

While I simultaneously do.

I keep waking up at one accidentally

(Accidentally?)

And cannot find oblivion once more.

 

I'm in a desert,

Of loneliness,

Of souls who do not understand.

 

Souls who don't understand,

Save six souls

Who do, miraculously, 

Understand.

Save one soul,

Bright,

Save one soul-

 

I'm running on some kind of empty,

But I near the hand to guide me that I've never had

But I near the love to rise that I've never had

I near, I near,

I near.

I don't know the words to say-

I near.

I near that something of which I've never had.


End file.
